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        Dear mom,
        Thanks for naming me Bob.
        Dear girl who wore way too much berry-scented perfume,
        I hope you get chased by a swarm of bees.
        Dear scientists,
        Which is worse for our lungs, smoking or walking into an Abercrombie store?
        Dear store employees,
        If you don't want us to joust, stop having electric carts and Nerf swords in the same store.
        Dear London,
        I don't mean to alarm you, but it seems you are driving on the wrong side of the road.
        Dear homophobic boss,
        If homosexuality is such a disease, can I call in gay to work?
        Dear people who don't look before crossing,
        Believe me when I say, "this is going to hurt you more than it'll hurt me."
        Dear patients,
        You do realize that 50% of us graduated in the bottom half of our class, right?
        Dear girls of the world,
        If we tell you, "you're beautiful," we're not looking for an argument, we mean it.
        Dear "flesh tone" Band-aids,
        This isn't the fifties.
        Dear boys,
        When in doubt, "Have you lost weight?" always works.
        Dear "better than the leading brand",
        If you're better than the leading brand, wouldn't you be the leading brand?
        Dear smokers,
        I may not own the air, but I still don't want it full of your crap.
        Dear mom,
        Why is it that when I do something wrong, it's my fault, but if I do something right, it's because you raised me so well?
        Dear toilet,
        Please don't clog, please don't clog, please don't clog!
        THIS IS PAGE 2
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